Monday, 13 April 2015

How to screw-up a software project - a few quick tips

Inspired by the brilliant book by Paul Watzlawick "The Situation Is Hopeless But Not Serious (The Pursuit of Unhappiness)" I would like to share with you some tips on how to be inefficient with your software projects. We all dwell continuously on what to do so as to finalize projects on time and within budget or succeed with a software product rollout. That's well and good but I guess at least some of you got bored of all of that and wonder what path one should follow to screw-up things badly. Be blessed all of you! and read here my few tips that will surely bring about disaster:

1) Fill in your teams with contractors exclusively but beware of hiring teams! The people you hire must not have ever worked with each other. Sit then back relaxed and wait for results. A bunch of individuals who don't feel connected to your company will spend hours on deciding upon who's smarter than other or on producing just for the sake of sheer production. Be sure outstanding results are guaranteed!

2) Stay away from any silly thoughts that good engineering skills, team building and a decentralised process that lets people sort out the details comes in handy. Instead, follow the rule which made successful projects possible. Namely: there is nothing better than a step by step deterministic process where individuals detached from the real work like architects, process specialists or program/ project managers will decide upon next steps concerning any aspect of a project. There is a tiny caveat by this rule which is that some members of the club mentioned earlier might be not as detached from the real work as you wish. Clearly this must be changed if screwing-up is what you have in mind! 

3)  Follow always common sense and make rational thinking based on factual data the worst enemy of yours. 

4)   Put off  issues to later stages and resolve immediately only the most obvious ones. After all business may change her mind later on so don't bother. 

5) it's said "don't shoot the messenger" as you may have guessed already do the opposite

6) Think big and opt for massive development and gigantic releases from the very beginning. Wait until you get (check out point 1) all people necessary to carry out your vision. Choose programs instead small projects and get all your colleagues engaged by sending out regular news on your big endeavour. Communists argued that quantity becomes quality. This thought among other ones made them fail miserably and so you will my brother. 

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